Customer: My door doesn’t work.
Support Tech: Have you tried opening the door and closing it?
Customer: How do I do that?
Support Tech: Just push open the door.
Customer: It won’t open when I do that. Maybe it’s locked?
Support Tech: Perhaps, but first, can you try turning the handle for me?
Customer: The what?
Support Tech: The handle.
Customer: Where would I find that?
Support Tech: About halfway down the door, on either the far left or right side. It will be a metal knob.
Customer: Oh, you mean the knob! Ok, I turned it.
Support Tech: Now push open the door.
Customer: It still won’t open.
Support Tech: Are you perhaps on the side of the door where you need to pull?
Customer: No, I’m on the same side that you showed me to push on. I think the door is locked.
Support Tech: Has the part of the handle that you turn to lock it been turned?
Customer: No. Ok, I just turned it.
Support Tech: Alright, now turn the handle.
Customer: The handle won’t turn now.
Support Tech: Ok, I think you just locked it. Now unlock it.
Customer: How do I unlock it?
Support Tech: The same way you locked it, just turn the lock the other way.
Customer: I still can’t open the door.
Support Tech: One second…
*minutes of silence*
Support Tech: Alright, turn the handle on the door.
Customer: I alrady tried that.
Support Tech: No, turn the handle on the door, and while it’s turned, push the door open.
Customer: Why do I need to keep the handle turned?
Support Tech: So that the door will open. Can you try it for me?
Customer: Ok.
*Customer opens the door*
Customer: It worked.
Support Tech: Glad to hear it. Make sure when you’re opening your door that you keep the handle turned.
Customer: Why does there need to be a handle? Why can’t I just push on the door and have it open?
Support Tech: Because it keeps the door from opening too easily.
Customer: Why would you want to make your doors harder to use?
Support Tech: It’s not about making them harder to use-
Customer: I’ve used doors that didn’t need handles. Your doors are obviously inferior.
Support Tech: Well, I’m sorry to hear that. If you have any additional problems, please don’t hesitate to give us another call. Have a great day!
*Support Tech hangs up*
Support Tech: Idiot…
What what?! I’m playing TBCC this year, Saturday night at 6:30!! Who’s ready to get their geek on and rock out with me?!?!
While you probably haven’t heard of “The Engine Coolant Challenge”, it’s probably already a thing. That’s why I decided to test it out myself, and see what all the hubbub will be about should this ever become something the kids are doing. After doing so, I learned some profound things about engine coolant, as well as myself.
If you’re a computer nerd like myself then you’ll be excited to hear that PHP 7 is currently in development. Given that I created both the front and back ends of my site, I can’t wait to implement these new features: (more…)
Bodybuilding
I find it very odd the way sports fans react to certain comments online, which very much depends on the sport they are a fan of.
You can say that Peyton Manning sucks (and he does), and football fans will either argue with you, say how a player on your team sucks (six rings and a record-breaking quarterback last year make me immune to this), or agree with you, but if one barely criticizes any aspect of someone’s favorite bodybuilder, it turns into personal attacks, asking me if you even lift, calling you fat/skinny/some other deficiency, and generally demeaning you as a person. When talking about football nobody gives you grief for not being a player or coach when you criticize a play, so why do you need to be a broscience-loving lifter to critique a bodybuilder?
Also, what the hell is up with roid gut and why is anyone with it competing? It’s gross. Can we please go back to the days when Steve Reeves was the ideal?
Baseball
How the hell is the World Series fair when:
If you’ve been living under a rock then you’re a very weird person. But, I can see past that, and would ask if you have heard what is on every teenage boy’s mind right now…
THE FAPPENING!!!
Yes, apparently some hackers got ahold of naked pictures taken by various female celebrities that had automatically been uploaded to Apple’s iCloud. Now, when it comes to me, this makes me quite a bit less attracted to these ladies, because I am strictly a Google fanboy, but the fact remains that 4chan and Reddit have gone ateship over these photos. In fact, you’re probably wanting to see them right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
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So, yeah, last night was the whole Ham on Nye, hold the let us pray debate, where Bill Nye tried to disprove God with the help of the evil conspiracy of humanistic atheist scientists that have hijacked the meaning of the word “science”. Or whatever Ken Ham was blathering on about.
This sparked some interesting debates between myself and my friends, of which I have many on both sides of the argument. I find myself directly in the center, extolling the virtues of belief while simultaneously supporting the scientific method without question. I feel no cognitive dissonance, as neither has any bearing on the other. I’m not like Ken Ham – I think using physical sciences to explain theology is akin to using psychology to explain quantum mechanics.
So where does my own belief system sit? Well, at its core I am a strong believer in God. Not necessarily in a religious sense, but more in a theological and philosophical one. In fact, theology is a big hobby of mine, because I have no life.
Physical sciences will always be able to explain the “how” of the universe – I could never believe in a “God of the Gaps” – but at the same time it will never explain the “why”. Philosophy and theology then step in.
My biggest theological argument as to the existence of a supreme being? America’s Funniest Home Videos. (more…)
Homeless people are smart, much smarter than we give them credit for, and they are getting smarter through natural selection.
How do I know this? Because Downtown Orlando has a homeless problem. Also, St. Petersburg has a homeless problem. Oh, and Miami has a homeless problem. And, lest we forget, so do Daytona, Cocoa, Jacksonville, and pretty much any other downtown area in the Sunshine State.
This means that bums are smarter than the majority of people I meet in my day to day life.
I’m writing this post while looking out a window at the Pittsburgh skyline; the skies are blue, the sun is out, nary a cloud in the sky. This is blatant false advertising.
When you step outside, any exposed skin starts to burn from the frigid temperatures. After walking for ten minutes, you begin to shiver. If the wind picks up, you’ll begin to expect frost giants. And yet, people choose to live here. (more…)
I tend to take any article I read with the word “bullshit” in it with a grain of salt.
I think this should be common sense, however I still can’t help but feel a tad bit pissed off due to an article posted on Gizmodo today. I refuse to link it here, to keep its SEO ranking down, but I still recommend you read it. The article in question is entitled “The Paleo Diet is bullshit: Cavemen actually ate lots of carbs”, and uses specious reasoning and cherry-picked studies to make its claim. Oh, and loads of SENSATIONALISM!!!
But first, a little background on me. When I was around 21 or 22, I started lifting weights, because I was a skinny little wimp with little strength at all. After a while, I started to gain muscle, increase strength, and… gain a beer gut. Of course, the Freshman 15 happens to most everyone, but my diet was especially bad, consisting mostly of Taco Bell, pizza and TV dinners. Oh, and beer, but I still drink that, albeit in smaller quantities. My eating habits were also getting in the way of my gains at the gym – I would plateau easily, never being able to increase the weight, which to me was every bit as exciting as getting a high score on Galaga. And seriously, Galaga’s awesome, so I resolved to A. fix my diet so as to reach my fitness goals, and B. play more Galaga. (more…)
Nerd.
It seems like everyone today is using that word to describe themselves. If you are passionate about [blank], then you are a [blank] nerd. Science fiction and superheroes dominate at the box office. Nigh everyone in my generation knows their way around a computer. Everyone and their grandmother plays video games.
And certain people are very pissed off about this.