Bodybuilding

I find it very odd the way sports fans react to certain comments online, which very much depends on the sport they are a fan of.

You can say that Peyton Manning sucks (and he does), and football fans will either argue with you, say how a player on your team sucks (six rings and a record-breaking quarterback last year make me immune to this), or agree with you, but if one barely criticizes any aspect of someone’s favorite bodybuilder, it turns into personal attacks, asking me if you even lift, calling you fat/skinny/some other deficiency, and generally demeaning you as a person.  When talking about football nobody gives you grief for not being a player or coach when you criticize a play, so why do you need to be a broscience-loving lifter to critique a bodybuilder?

Also, what the hell is up with roid gut and why is anyone with it competing?  It’s gross.  Can we please go back to the days when Steve Reeves was the ideal?

Baseball

How the hell is the World Series fair when:

A. One team has a designated hitter, and the other does not.

B. There is no salary cap.

C. The best players are only the best because they are the best at hiding steroid use.

I seriously want to know.  Also, baseball was founded on gambling, so can we please let Pete Rose into the hall of fame before he dies?

Football

I hate the No Fun League, but I know as soon as football season starts up again I’ll be glued to every Steeler game.  Why didn’t the XFL take off again?  That seems like it’s exactly what we need now.  We need more aggression and harder hits.

Also, let college football players get paid, and give it a proper playoff structure.  And more aggression and harder hits.

The Other Football (Soccer)

Good grief, these guys fall down a lot.  Soccer would make an amazing contact sport, but instead it’s a game of strategically-timed injuries and penalties.  This is some big talk coming from an American, but I do enjoy watching soccer.  I just want to see somebody get hit once in a while, and to believe that these guys on the field are peak-of-human-condition-tough-as-nails-win-no-matter-what athletes.  Soccer needs to be more like rugby – now that’s a game.  Also, Australian rules football.  Man, I love seeing people hit each other.

Hockey

Now that’s a great sport.  Lots of hitting.  And fighting.  And incredibly athletic guys showing how tough they are.  Spot on.

Bodybuilding (Again)

Can we have a fighting portion of the competition?  I mean, these guys are huge, and ridiculously strong.  Let’s have them duke it out and see who is the strongest, toughest guy on stage while still looking the most amazing.

Baseball (Again)

Is it too late to say we should make baseball into some kind of contact sport?

Boxing

I’d like boxing a lot more if there were a rational season/playoff structure, instead of someone holding on to their title until their promoter knows they can make tons of money being challenged.  I want there to be a Super Bowl of Boxing every year.

Basketball

Seriously, why is this even a sport?  A bunch of really tall dudes passing a ball back and forth, and nobody draws blood.  I say it should be legal to shoulder-check the guy with the ball.  Also, do they have microphones on the floor so they can broadcast the squeak of the players’ shoes?  That sound is reason enough not to watch basketball.

Gladiatorial Combat

Here we go.  This is what we need – pure, no-holds-barred, epic fights to the death (should the king decide that’s how it will end).  Let’s see Peyton Manning stand up against Ben Roethlisberger in the Coliseum – he wouldn’t last five minutes.  I want to see some action, some grit, some manliness, some BLOOD!!!!

Man, maybe there’s something wrong with me.